My boyfriend and I broke up relatively amicably in March. Before we broke up, we booked an unforgettable trip to Thailand. We risk losing the deposit and the cost of the flights if we cancel, and he thinks we should still go together as friends. I don’t know if I can do it. It seems like he switched to friend mode easier than me. I’m still healing from the disappointment of the relationship not working out and while I know it’s okay that we broke up, I’m not so okay with it that I can imagine walking away with him as friends. What should I do?
Flights were non-refundable and expensive. If I say I’m not going, I put him in the awkward position of having to leave alone. Or maybe he would find someone else to go with but then I don’t even know how I would feel about it.
Am I too sensitive? Should I just go figure it out? I haven’t traveled much and so this trip was a big deal for me and for him as well. We could probably ask for the room to be made into a double room but the thought of sharing a room again seems like it would be very confusing.
The trip isn’t until November so I don’t know what will happen in our lives then. Should I just cancel and swallow the cost? Or should I take the trip I’ve always dreamed of, even if it’s not in the situation I dreamed of?
Couples counselor and psychosexual therapist Cate Mackenzie says:
First of all, I think it’s great that you’re giving yourself all the time you need to heal from this breakup. You may feel that your boyfriend has moved on more quickly and easily, but we all respond in our own time. Give yourself plenty of time to experience all of your feelings about the breakup. Reach out to supportive friends or people who can listen to you, and give yourself a chance to grieve and create a protective bubble around you.
Now let’s think about the trip. To start, I invite you to really think about how you feel about this situation. You really don’t want to go but feel worried about letting him down? Is there a part of you that holds this journey open as a chance to keep the peace or why you should feel okay with why it does? If so, give yourself permission to abandon the plans. First of all, prioritize your well-being. There will be other trips and other opportunities. If you decide not to go, congratulate yourself for prioritizing your mental health and needs. On a practical note you might also double check that there aren’t any more refunds available than you think, or perhaps a way to change flights to another place at another time.
On the other hand, if you’re really disappointed not to go to Thailand, there are a few different approaches you could take. If you can bear to share a flight with him then why not go to Thailand and then find separate rooms or even separate accommodation?
You may have booked into a luxury hotel as a couple, but there are so many cheaper ways to travel if you’re not on a big budget. Housing may be cheaper than you think.
Whatever happens, I wouldn’t share a room together, not even a double. What if one of you meets someone and wants to bring them back?
Do you have a friend you could go with? Or even some friends? Or might you think about spending time alone? Some people find traveling alone intimidating, but it can also be extremely liberating because you can set your own agenda.
Places like Thailand are set up for solo travellers. Can you do some research on retreats or places you might want to go? Can you try some group adventures you might like where you can feel safe and open to meeting others? People meet lifelong friends when they travel, so maybe this could be a wonderful opportunity to have a different adventure than you’ve planned.
As told to Marianne Power
Image Source : inews.co.uk