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DEAR HAVE: I was diagnosed with chronic heart failure seven years ago. She doesn’t care. I want to see and do more before my life is over. My husband and I have been married for 29 years. After talking to my therapist about it, I was finally able to express it to my husband. He said he understands, but we’ll have to save up for a trip and won’t be able to leave until the end of next year.
I told him I have to go somewhere to see more of the world very soon. I would be willing to go alone. He told me we had to close an old bank account that had $3,000 in it. We spent more money that I don’t think was necessary. We’re going to her sister’s wedding in a few months, which will cost about $2,500, and she’s already talking about how she’ll be taking her annual vacation to see her family.
My sister mentioned that she and I should take a road trip together this year to a destination four hours by car. It would be for about four days. My husband said fine let’s see if we can afford to go. He doesn’t seem to realize that this is a mental health issue. I explained my reasons several times. I’m tempted to go and charge my credit card, but it could hurt our marriage. I love. What can I do? WANDERLUST IN OREGON
DEAR WISH TO WISH: Your medical problem lends a certain urgency to your desire to scratch certain items off your bucket list. In light of the fact that she’s not well, maybe just this once her husband could postpone her family’s annual visit? Please discuss this further with your therapist. Your husband shouldn’t be pulling the purse strings to the extent that he has been because it seems like he’s only used the money to do the things he wants to do.
DEAR HAVE: I’m on edge for my marriage. Among many other issues, today seems like the last straw. My 8 year old stole a small toy from a shop and I had him go back into the shop with me to pay for the item. My husband scolded me for doing this, saying I humiliated the boy. I saw this as an opportunity to teach my son a lesson in how to take things and my husband is concerned that he will feel humiliated?
I’ve tried therapy for many other issues we have, but we haven’t made much progress. After today, I’m ready to give up. Basically, we just don’t have the same values or want the same things. Please tell me what you think about what happened to my son. It breaks my heart because it’s so confusing for the boy. TRY PARENT
DEAR PROOF: You handled the petty theft incident perfectly. You corrected your son’s wrongdoing and made him take responsibility for it. For this you should have been applauded, not scolded. But putting that aside for a moment, you have stated that there are a lot of problems in your marriage. Since they have not been able to be resolved with counseling, it may be time to look into alternative options such as a temporary separation or divorce.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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