June 14, 2023 | 3:18 pm
Do you know when your lines have been crossed?
According to psychologists, boundary anxiety refers to a condition that inhibits some often called “people-pleasing” people from setting boundaries in their daily lives due to a fear of upsetting people.
An important way to manage this anxiety and stress is to think about your personal boundaries and learn to identify your needs within different relationships and areas of your life, Dr. Jillian Doyle, senior clinical psychologist at Rotunda National Maternity Hospital in Ireland, he told the Daily Mail.
Setting clear boundaries can help build relationships and build more trust, Doyle said.
Healthy, clear rules allow us to feel safe and respected both physically and emotionally, she explained. Reflecting on your boundaries allows you to understand your limits so you don’t feel overwhelmed and can take better care of yourself.
Some studies even suggest that boundaries have a physical impact on your body, as high levels of stress caused by a lack of defense of one’s needs have also been linked to digestive problems, headaches, anxiety and depression, problems with concentration and memory, and heart disease.
To find out if your boundaries are clearly being respected, the Daily Mail spoke to British psychologist Margareta James, founder of the Harley Street Wellbeing Clinic, who created a handy quiz to let you know when it’s time to redraw your lines.
There are three possible answers to each question, with the category you answered most determining where your boundaries lie.
1. I find that I can’t say no to things even when I don’t feel like doing it or don’t have the energy to do it
2. I feel guilty for refusing other people’s requests
3. I find myself trying to solve other people’s problems even at the expense of my own needs
4. I get angry/I get angry when others tell me no
5. I often feel that I am used because I don’t advocate for my needs
6. I feel too weak to express my needs/I can’t make myself heard and feel frustrated
7. I resent people when their demands put too much pressure on me
8. I get angry/anxious at the demands of others that overwhelm me
9. I feel uncomfortable expressing my needs (including my body, energy, time, resources) without feeling guilty, afraid, anxious, or stressed
10. I feel uncomfortable expressing my true feelings and needs without stress
11. I worry about the problems of others and spend a lot of my energy trying to help them
12. People can ask for my help at any time of the day or night and I rush to their rescue right away
13. People find me very friendly and I tend to let them into my private space quickly
14. I tend to share my personal information and opinions with others quickly, which I may regret later
Mostly like: You have clear boundaries
Answering mostly As means you know where your boundaries are and you stick to them.
You’re in touch with what’s good for you emotionally and how to express your needs, James noted. Even if that means you may have to turn down requests from others when they want your time, energy, or other resources.
People who answered mainly As feel comfortable being heard and are not afraid to be told no.
The only downside is that you may go too far and adhere too rigidly to your life rules. To avoid this, try to push yourself out of your comfort zone every now and then by not saying no right away and by trying new experiences that could enrich your life.
Mainly B: Has difficulty expressing boundaries
Those who answered mostly Bs know they have boundaries that they should abide by too, but struggle to always implement them.
When you feel safer and in a safe place, you find it easier to defend yourself, James said. But other times you let people call you to fix their problems even when you’re tired or overwhelmed.
To overcome this, he recommends that you reevaluate what someone is asking you.
James asks: Are you afraid they might think you’re selfish or mean? If you find yourself exhausted by the demands of your life and the demands of others, you need to rethink your boundaries to protect your energy and resources.
Mostly C: no pre-set limit
People who answered mostly C have difficulty setting firm boundaries and are often exhausted because of it.
You’re a good listener, and being involved in other people’s lives probably earns you some thanks in return, James noted.
To overcome this and protect your own needs, James said to get comfortable with occasional conflict and to stop feeling guilty about it.
Doing the right thing sometimes means letting others find a solution for themselves, she said. Make yourself comfortable by stepping back from the worries of others and focusing on yourself, and watch your anxiety levels and overall happiness soar.
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Image Source : nypost.com